1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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