yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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