I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
