I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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