I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry about my life...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
