I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Buhtt sex?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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