I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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