From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
