We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
