take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
