So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
