I'm so fucking centered right now
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
only you would photoshop your dick
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
