Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize