What a fucking waste of an outfit
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
