exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
