I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
