i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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