You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
