I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize