Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
