so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
