I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
