his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
