Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
