His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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