just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
