I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just had sex on a roof
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
