So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
