Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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