2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
