i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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