i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
