Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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