i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
