I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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