Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
