ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
