go do what you do best...puke behind churches
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize