I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
