drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize