I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
