Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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