It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
