he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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