Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Someone came in the potted fern
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
