So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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