when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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