I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
you made out with another girl for some wings
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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