We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
