What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
