Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
