He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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