Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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