The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
