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The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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