Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
