I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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