these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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