the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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