HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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