i permit you to call me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
