I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
