This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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