I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
