A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My feet surprised me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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