Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
