OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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