So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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