That's intense
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
