well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
