Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
