Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
