My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
