My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
